I was scared to write this

It’s time for me to come clean. I had a lot going on these past few months.

I’ve been torn down to my most basic level, and to be honest with you I was embarrassed.

I thought, I have to conceal all of this until I’ve “processed” it more. How the f*** am I supposed to be seen as a leader with all this shit going down? I better hide it!

I kept waiting for things to “sting” less. I kept waiting to “heal.” What I’ve come to realize is there is healing in the sharing of it all and so that’s what I want to do today.

These past few months everytime I said “I’ll never have to ____,” sure shootin’ that very thing would come pass.

This happened with many things (some of which I’ll have to save for another time), but I want to share one with you today.

I used to think “I’d rather do anything else but live with my parents!” or “I’ll never have to move home, that happens to other people but it won’t happen to me!”

But then, all the sudden. I had to. 

And that was that. Notice was given, and I made preparations to leave my beloved Los Angeles after an 11 year run.

There were many times I felt like a failure (this was one of the things I REALLY didn’t want to admit to you).

The moving date came and went, and before I knew it me and all my things were settled into glorious Santee, CA.

What I didn’t expect was…. It hasn’t been that bad here.

In fact, there are lots of things I like about my living situation now. And while I do love LA, I honestly haven’t missed it.

There is a certain kind of freedom in uprooting abruptly and in doing the things I never thought I’d have to do.

I can truly say I’ve hit a rock bottom after all the changes I've made the past few months. The thing about hitting rock bottom is that there’s only way to go - up!

Here’s what I realized in all of this “turmoil:”

  1. There is no “have to.” I always have a choice. The power is always mine. It was my choice to move home. Yes, I did have alternative options. I’m not saying they were appealing options, but there were some, and this was what I chose.
  2. Gratitude is power. Instead of hating on living at home, I turned to gratitude for it. I’m so lucky I have the option to move home. Many others in my position don’t. I am blessed.
  3. Support is crucial. Between my love coaching group, my business coaching group, and my friends and family - I have my fair share of support, and I’ve set myself up that way on purpose, I don’t think I could have made it through everything without this network.
  4. I’m never alone. As soon as I started sharing what was happening with my friends, family, and coaching groups I had tons of people tell me about times when they had to do the same thing. They had all made it out ok, so I knew I would too.
  5. Vulnerability brings healing. I’m tired of telling myself not to be real with you. I”m tired of telling myself I need to hide, or that being honest like this will make my potential clients run the other way. I can’t hide who I am and I don’t want to hide my truth, so here it is.

Are you going through something hard right now? There is healing in vulnerability. If you are willing to share it, hit reply to let me know what’s going on for you right now.

I would be honored to hold space, as you have done for me.

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P.S. I love having a dog now! One of the big perks of being here. Who wouldn’t want to see this cute little face everyday??