Happy Friday! Today I want to talk about a common pitfall I see in website copy all the time:
The “YOU” trap = telling instead of showing a person how they feel.
Great copy evokes emotion. The goal is to get the reader to feel something. The way to do this is to show not tell, but the “YOU” trap is all telling, and that's why it's not as effective
Here’s an example:
“You feel overwhelmed. Your conflicting responsibilities are weighing you down and it feels like your family is coming last.”
Here, I’m telling the reader how they feel. When I do this, it’s very easy for her to say “NOPE you don’t know me, that’s not what I’m going through.”
Here is a way to tweak this into a story so I SHOW vs TELL:
“Your boss just called to move up a deadline, the kitchen increasingly smells like burning grilled cheese, and your daughter is tugging on your apron asking you to come view the new art she drew all over the living room wall.”
See the difference?
I put the reader in a SCENE. Whether the reader has a daughter or not, she is IN the scene and she can FEEL the overwhelm just by reading it. Much more powerful.
Comment below to tell me what you think!
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